Synergy - Enquiry

When parents argue a lot in front of their children, it can make the children feel upset and worried. Children also learn how to handle disagreements from their parents, so it's important for families to try and talk things through calmly, so their children can learn good ways to solve problems and get along with others.

Bickering, arguments and conflict can be part of everyday life but if it's happening more often, and not getting sorted out then it could be a sign you are experiencing unhealthy conflict.

There are lots of benefits to letting children see how parents deal with conflict in a positive way. Communicating in a healthy and respectful way with your partner or ex-partner can help children to:

Improve their mental health
Improve their physical health
Sleep better
Improve how well they do at school
Have better relationships with their friends
Improve their future life chances

You may think that your child is too young to notice arguments, but children as young as six months old can understand

Do you wonder how your child is coping if arguments in the home are getting out of hand?

Try the ‘in the middle’ Bot. It’s is a chatbot that’s trained on how your child experiences your relationship. With a small amount of information and zero judgement, you can get insight into how your child might be feeling.

Check out our Teen Hub here 'How to cope when your parents are arguing' if your teenager would like some advice or guidance.

Below are some helpful tools and websites.

Co-Parenting from Separate Houses Toolkit from Relate.

The toolkit includes communication tips, how to handle conflict, supporting children’s wellbeing, self-care and other practical resources. You can download it free here.

Relate. This organisation has a wealth of free online resources to support parent relationships. Relate are here to help you handle problems with your partner or co-parent

• 'In-the-middle' bot helps parents to see their relationship through the child’s eyes

• 'Sounding Board' helps co-parents write text and email messages to each other, which require sensitivity. It analyses language to suggest clearer, more empathetic wording, reducing the risk of miscommunication or increased conflict.

Find out if you can access free counselling through Relate’s National Partnership scheme here.

See It Differently Website

When we argue with our partner or ex-partner, we can get caught up in the heat of the moment. At times like these, it’s difficult to find a way forward. Click here to access the website and see how other parents have changed how they handle conflict

Click Relationships

Click Relationships are an organisation that offer free relationship advice. Check out their webpage here.

Getting on Better Cards

Use the Getting on Better cards to help you think about your relationship with your partner (whether you are together or separated). They are simple reminders to help you remember what's really important in building our relationships.

Support For Separated Parents

Looking after your own wellbeing and that of your children’s during a separation is an important step to help you feel hopeful about the future. Watch the videos and read the guidance below to help you manage this new chapter of your life with confidence and empathy.

Becoming a separated parent is not something you may have expected. It is challenging in so many ways and people often find it daunting. Not only can it take its toll on you and your children’s emotional health but many parents and carers find the practical issues of separating confusing, which can add to the stress of the situation.

The flowchart below explains some of the useful steps to consider when separating.

Useful links:

Information on separation and divorce from gov.uk.

Information about a Parenting Plan from CAFCASS. (Scroll to the bottom of the page to download a copy).

How to find legal advice or a legal advisor.

Find a local mediator - Family Mediation Council.

Find out if you are eligible for the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme and how to apply here

What steps can you take as a parent to protect your child’s emotional health?

See It Differently

Watch this video from the See It Differently website to understand what your child sees when there’s conflict.

Getting It Right for the Children.

Click here to access the programme at a time that suits you. Learn how to manage conflict to minimise the impact it has on your children, as well as how to stop a discussion from turning into an argument, how to stay calm and listen as well as talk and skills for finding solutions and making compromises.

Now you’ve completed the online programme, use these cards to help remind you of key communication skills from the course

Separating Better App

Separating better is a free app for separating parents to help you self-manage your separation. It has practical tools to help with budgeting and legal arrangements. You can use it to create a personalised parenting plan to make co-parenting arrangements that work for your children.

Click here

Triple P family Transitions.

What is Family Transitions Triple P?

Family Transitions Triple P is designed for parents who are experiencing personal distress from separation or divorce, which is impacting on or complicating their parenting. During five sessions, the programme assists parents who need extra support to adjust and manage the transition of separation or divorce. It focuses on skills to resolve conflicts with former partner(s )and how to cope positively with stress

What is covered in sessions with parents?

• Session 1: Divorce -a family transition

During this session, parents learn about parent traps during separation and divorce, how to talk to their children about separation and divorce, and how to help children manage their emotions.

• Session 2: Coping with emotions

Parents learn to identify unhelpful emotions (e.g. stress, anxiety, anger) and the link between these unhelpful emotions and parenting. Coping skills and relaxation strategies will also be discussed during this session.

• Session 3: Coping with emotions

This session teaches parents how thoughts influence emotions and how they can challenge those automatic unhelpful thoughts. They will also learn coping strategies and how to take care of themselves.

• Session 4: Managing conflict During this session

The practitioner introduces parents to a model of conflict and explains different conflict response styles. Parents will learn assertive communication skills, how to hold a child-related discussion with their former partner, problem solving techniques, and develop a parenting plan.

• Session 5: Balancing work, family and play

During this session, the practitioner discusses developing a new family identity,

social support, and new romantic relationships.

If you would like to attend a Family Transitions programme, please ask a professional you are working with to complete the referral form here or complete the form yourself and send it back to parentsupport@barnsley.gov.uk. Someone will be in touch within 10 working days. Please note, if both co-parents would like to attend it’s important they attend separate session so please include the co-parent’s details (the parent you are separated from) on the form.

Before a parent is accepted onto the programme, they must meet the following criteria:

 Parent/s being referred must be separated/divorced or thinking about separation/divorce in the near future.

 At least one parent must reside in Barnsley

 The must be no current domestic abuse involved in the relationship. If there are historic domestic abuse concerns, assurance will be sought from the referrer about why this is no longer a current risk

 Parents must have completed the online programme 'Getting It Right For The Children' and be able to produce the certificate of completion from here.

When families argue in front of children

What are Healthy & Unhealthy Behaviours?

Putting the children first

Unhealthy conflict and domestic abuse are different.

Find help online

Click here to see a range of online relationship courses

Building Stronger Relationship resources for professionals

Advice and Guidance for Separated Parents

Other online resources

Local Offer Website

Who can help?

Great Childhoods Ambition

Barnsley Children's University

Help us improve the Virtual Family Hub

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Armed Forces Families

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ICB Healthier Together Website (Opens in New Window)

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Neighbouring Family Hub & Start For Life Offers

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School Professionals Only : School Access Module (SAM)

Early Help for Professionals Only

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