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When families argue in front of children

When parents argue a lot in front of their children, it can make the children feel upset and worried. Children also learn how to handle disagreements from their parents, so it's important for families to try and talk things through calmly, so their children can learn good ways to solve problems and get along with others.

Bickering, arguments and conflict can be part of everyday life but if it's happening more often, and not getting sorted out then it could be a sign you are experiencing unhealthy conflict.


What are Healthy & Unhealthy Behaviours?

These are healthy ways to work through an argument.:

  • Staying calm
  • Listening to each other
  • Compromising
  • Coming to some sort of agreement or agreeing to disagree

Unhealthy ways to deal with an argument are:

  • Aggression
  • Sulking or giving silent treatment
  • Walking away
  • Not letting the argument go
  • Holding grudges




Putting the children first

There are lots of benefits to letting children see how parents deal with conflict in a positive way. Communicating in a healthy and respectful way with your partner or ex-partner can help children to: 

  • Improve their mental health
  • Improve their physical health
  • Sleep better
  • Improve how well they do at school
  • Have better relationships with their friends
  • Improve their future life chances
You may think that your child is too young to notice arguments, but children as young as six months old can understand

Do you wonder how your child is coping if arguments in the home are getting out of hand?
Try the ‘in the middle’ Bot. It’s is a chatbot that’s trained on how your child experiences your relationship. With a small amount of information and zero judgement, you can get insight into how your child might be feeling.


Check out our Teen Hub here 'How to cope when your parents are arguing' if your teenager would like some advice or guidance.

Unhealthy conflict and domestic abuse are different.

When domestic abuse is involved, one partner is often fearful of the other. The 'perpetrator usually holds the power in the relationship. 

Domestic abuse isn’t just about being violent; it can be:

  • Frequently checking your phone
  • Withholding money
  • Isolating you from family or friends
  • Controlling behaviours

If you think you are experiencing domestic abuse, IDAS can help. To find out more about IDAS including how to contact them click here.

Find help online

Below are some helpful tools and websites.

 Relate We can Relate to parental conflict | Relate are here to help you handle problems with your partner or co-parent

• Chat to Relate-Bot Share what you're going through and get answers, support, and advice to help you get through conflicts with your partner or co-parent..

• ‘In-the-middle-bot’ helps parents to see through the child’s eyes

• Sounding-board bot helps co-parents write text and email messages to each other, which require sensitivity. It analyses language to suggest clearer, more empathetic wording, reducing the risk of miscommunication or increased conflict.

Find out if you can access free counselling through Relate’s National Partnership scheme. https://www.relate.org.uk/what-we-do/counselling/free-counselling-through-national-partnerships#:~:text=National%20partnerships%20allow%20us%20to,when%20they%20need%20it%20most.


See It Differently Website
When we argue with our partner or ex-partner, we can get caught up in the heat of the moment. At times like these, it’s difficult to find a way forward. Click here to access the website and see how other parents have changed how they handle conflict

Click Relationships
Click Relationships are an organisation that offer free relationship advice. Check out their webpage here.

Getting on Better Cards
Use the Getting on Better cards to help you think about your relationship with your partner (whether you are together or separated). They are simple reminders to help you remember what's really important in building our relationships. 

Click here to see a range of online relationship courses

Building Stronger Relationship resources for professionals

Advice and Guidance for Separated Parents

Support For Separated Parents
Looking after your own wellbeing and that of your children’s during a separation is an important step to help you feel hopeful about the future. Watch the videos and read the guidance below to help you manage this new chapter of your life with confidence and empathy.

Becoming a separated parent is not something you may have expected. It is challenging in so many ways and people often find it daunting. Not only can it take its toll on you and your children’s emotional health but many parents and carers find the practical issues of separating confusing, which can add to the stress of the situation.


The flowchart below explains some of the useful steps to consider when separating.




Useful links:
Information on separation and divorce from gov.uk.
Information about a Parenting Plan from CAFCASS. (Scroll to the bottom of the page to download a copy).
Find a local mediator - Family Mediation Council.


What steps can you take as a parent to protect your child’s emotional health?










Other online resources
Getting It Right for the Children.
Click here to access the programme at a time that suits you. Learn how to manage conflict to minimise the impact it has on your children, as well as how to stop a discussion from turning into an argument, how to stay calm and listen as well as talk and skills for finding solutions and making compromises.


Separating Better App
Separating better is a free app for separating parents to help you self-manage your separation. It has practical tools to help with budgeting and legal arrangements. You can use it to create a personalised parenting plan to make co-parenting arrangements that work for your children.
Click here for App.

Face to face group programmes – COMING SOON
Triple P Family Transitions. This group programme will be available in person and online in early 2025. If both parents or carers wish to attend, it is advisable to book on a separate programme to your co-parent. Please email the Parent Support inbox parentsupport@barnsley.gov.uk if you are unsure or would like further advice.





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